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Isn’t a multiplayer platformer, it’s an investigation by bitter eunuch scientists to find how long it takes frustration to commit mayhem love. I know there are gamer girls out there who could jam a minigun up my ass and pull the trigger until it clicks, but in my taste 100% of girlfriends suck at games. And if you try to warn them about the Goomba they’re slowly walking towards, that by a hair's breadth makes it your fault when they find out headbutting it still doesn’t work the tenth without surcease they try.

You’re trying to run your flagpole up on a new level but can’t because you’re going out with someone — it’s understandable as a dreadful euphemism for sleeping around, but insanely frustrating as a literal description. What’s worse is Nintendo knows to the letter how good you and your girl are at games. That’s why the Mario Galaxy games have “ girlfriend condition ”, where a second player can feel that they’re helping without getting in the way. Honestly, a really vindictive lady could aim the star at Mario and make him barricade to his death, but if girlfriends could aim that well, God would have trusted them with exterior genitals.

Source: CBS Local

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